If Only
by FireWriter316
Summary: If only I wasn't forced to sit here - waiting - not knowing if he was alive. Rated T for mentions of blood and slight graphic images.
1. Chapter 1: If Only

**So prepare yourselves for some feels.**

 **I really need feedback on this because I'm not sure if the format is annoying or good! Just an idea/thought I had last night.**

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If only this room wasn't so white. So blank.

If only there was a hint of color, besides the brown-colored painting on the wall.

If only there was more than just the blinding white lights above my head.

If only there was something here to replace the missing spark.

If only I'd gotten more than three hours of sleep in the past two days.

If only the coffee on the table beside me wasn't cold.

If only it wasn't cold because I hadn't touched it.

If only the reason I hadn't touched it was merely because I disliked the taste.

If only I had no reason to need to drink it in the first place.

If only there were people, filling this room to the brim, or even just a few sitting in nearby chairs.

If only they were talking, chatting, as if everything was okay.

If only my own chair wasn't so uncomfortable. (Maybe then I could sleep it all away.)

If only the silence didn't make me feel like I was suffocating.

If only the tension didn't draw more taught with each tick of the clock.

If only there was something to fill the void that my chest felt in the uncanny (unusual) silence.

If only Jay wasn't silent, for once in his chatterbox life.

If only my head wasn't pounding as the images flashed through my head.

If only there hadn't been so much blood, seeping through my fingers as he bled.

If only the memory had been of me, swooping into save my brother from the slash of the sword (the sword that had once been his), and succeeding in taking the blow myself.

If only the enemy hadn't been so strong that day.

If only I had known we weren't ready to face them.

If only I had pulled my team out before it was too late.

If only I wasn't waiting here now, sitting here (in blank silence) until I heard the news.

If only his cry wasn't embedded in my mind, as the jagged golden sword slashed through his right arm, severing the bone just above the elbow.

If only I had been there when he dropped to the ground, holding him in my arms and telling him it would be alright.

If only I had been there for the second swing of the weapon, the one that was even more deadly than the first.

If only I had stopped the sharp point from entering his abdomen.

If only I had held him longer, as he cried.

If only...

If only...

There were so many things I could've done differently. So many things I could've done to save him. So many ways this could've been prevented. So many things that could've been done to save my aching heart.

If only the blood hadn't flowed like a river from the wound, red as his suit, and even more so.

If only there wasn't so much of that bright, warm liquid, running through my fingers as I pressed down on the multiple wounds.

If only the sound of fighting hadn't drowned out my cries for help.

(If only my cries were just for him, not for myself.)

If only those bright amber eyes hadn't been filled with such pain.

If only those (too pale) cheeks hadn't been streaked with shocked (and frightened) tears.

If only his body hadn't trembled and shuddered so much.

If only he hadn't pleaded with me,

"Please."

If only I hadn't promised him everything would be alright.

If only I hadn't lied to him when I knew what was about to happen.

If only I hadn't let him slip through my fingers in the first place.

If only I had controlled him, controlled the flames, as the earth does its fire.

If only my name was just Cole Brookstone, not master of earth, or the black ninja. Maybe then I wouldn't have been forced to carry my best friend from the battle field, dripping blood from a stump and his core.

If only.

If only this hospital waiting room wasn't so dang white.

If only Jay would break this unrelenting silence.

If only that impossible battle hadn't even occurred.

If only that fire sword had never been swung.

If only I wasn't forced to sit here - waiting - not knowing if he (Kai) was alive.


	2. Chapter 2: Waiting

**Hey everyone...so I decided to try to continue this story. I really like the idea I have in continuing, so hopefully it turns out alright! The format is reverting back to normal story form. I don't think I could keep coming up with new formats for every chapters. I'll take suggestions though!**

 **Hope you like this chapter:) Thanks for such great reviews on the first part!**

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Chapter 2: Waiting

 _If only I wasn't forced to sit here -_

 _Waiting -_

 _Not knowing if he_

 _(Kai)_

 _Was alive_

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It was three days after the battle. Three days since our world was rocked. Three days of our waiting.

Some of us waited impatiently (ugh, that word reminds me of Kai), all of us worriedly, while the state of our bodies varied between shaky and tense.

I was impatient and worried and shaky and tense all at once. Not to mention in pain due to the throbbing in my head that persistently stuck around even after hours of willing it away. But it wouldn't go away until Kai was okay. (Because the throbbing was the worry.)

When the doctor walked in the room, my head lifted, throbbing painfully. I rubbed my eyes to will the pain away, but nothing helped. It still hurt. Just not as much as the tugging at my heart that told me to pay attention to the doctor's every word and move.

He was young-ish, maybe mid-thirties, with thin, scraggly blond hair and glasses. There were dark circles lining his watered down blue eyes, which didn't help my anxiety levels.

I wanted to find my voice to ask him if he had news, but the words stuck in my throat as if stopped by a plug.

Sensei spoke for me. For us all.

"How is he, Dr. Bradley?"

His voice was weak, even for his old age. I noticed he had been just as quiet as the rest of us, which wasn't too unusual. Except normally in a situation like this (not that we'd ever had one this serious), Sensei would be giving us a lecture about not losing hope. Now it seemed like he'd lost it himself.

And I knew how he felt.

"He's alive, if that's what you mean," the doctor said wearily.

I let out a choked breath, one that I hadn't even known I was holding. The others seemed to give various signs of their relief. Jay, beside me, sighed and slumped back in his seat. I glanced over at him, and when I saw he was rubbing his face tiredly with both hands, I reached over a gave his shoulder a squeeze. Hopefully the master of lightning found it reassuring, comforting.

I didn't.

Lloyd was next to me, on the left. He literally hadn't said one word this entire day. We'd been here at the hospital since (Sensei and Misako having forced us to go home last night and get some much-needed rest. But like I said, I didn't get much.) Looking at the wall clock, I could see it was about

My stomach growled in complaint. I ignored it, forcing my exhausted mind to focus on Dr. Bradley's words. This was about Kai. This was about my brother.

"As I was saying, Mr. Smith is currently stable, but in extremely weak condition. He's lost a lot of blood."

 _Obviously_.

Images of red, so much red, oozing through my fingers, flashed through my brain.

If only...

"What happened to his..." my voice grew hoarse. It had been to begin with, having not used it except to thank Nya for the coffee she'd gotten me . "...his arm...?" and there my voice cracked even worse.

Dr. Bradley's face tightened, then sagged as if depressed. I felt my stomach clench and my jaw clench and my hands turn into fists, gripping the arms of the chair so tightly that my knuckles turned white. It wasn't like I thought Kai's arm would magically appear and reattach itself.

It just...didn't feel real. This couldn't be happening to _our_ Kai.

"Well, it's gone of course. But as of now, it's stitched and wrapped up cleanly. It'll take some getting used to, but..."

"Can we see him?" This voice surprised me. And by the shocked (and worried) looks on everyone's faces, they were surprised too.

By the fact that Lloyd had spoken his first words in 24 hours. By the fact that his voice sounded so broken, so weak...so scared.

I glanced at him worriedly and saw his eyes were rimmed red and tears stained his flushed cheeks. He'd been crying silently, and I hadn't even noticed. What kind of leader was I to just neglect the rest of my team?

Just because one was out of commission didn't mean I had to stop being there for the rest of them. They needed me, too.

But, back to the present.

The doctor seemed to have composed himself in the time it took for me to work through my thoughts. He held his clipboard tightly to his chest.

"Yes." His tone was more professional, now. "But only two at a time. He's still resting, and we don't need anyone disturbing him."

A growl built up in my throat, but I kept it down, only showing a slight grimace on my face. _Who was he to tell us what our teammate needed? Like we would do anything to put Kai into further harm._

"Alright, thank you Dr. Bradley," a woman's voice said, this being Misako, Lloyd's mother, who sat just to the left of her son. She turned her attention to the rest of us. "Who should go?" She questioned curiously. No one seemed to know quite what to say. Everyone wanted to see Kai, but no one wanted to start a conflict over it.

"I believe Nya should go first," a sort of monotone voice spoke up. This was Zane, who had appeared to be deep in thought just moments before. He sat with his chair against the left wall of the waiting room. "And perhaps Jay, as well. She may need him."

I glanced at the two to my immediate left. Jay, first, right next to me. Then the dark-haired girl that was his girlfriend, who sat beside him. Both had eager but reluctant looks in their eyes, almost like guilt.

I sighed tiredly.

"He's right, you guys," I encouraged. "Go on." I nodded to the door that led back to the E.R rooms, and noticed that Dr. Bradley was standing right next to it. Patiently or impatiently, I couldn't tell.

They both looked at me hesitantly before Nya smiled faintly and got to her feet. I thought she would go straight back to the awaiting doctor, but instead she walked up to me, wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me.

"Thank you, Cole," she whispered, as I was still trying to recover from my shock. I patted her back awkwardly.

"No problem, Nya." Then I added as an afterthought, "He's...he's your brother."

"You know he's just as much your brother as he is mine," she said softly. Then she walked towards Zane before I could say anything, and I stared into space as she gave the ice ninja a quick hug as well.

I vaguely remembered hearing her footsteps pattering against the ground as she took Jay's hand, and Dr. Bradley led them away down the hall.

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 **Well? Should I continue? I do have an idea of what the main conflict will be in upcoming stories if anyone wants a sneak-peak or spoilers;)**

 **Have a fabulous day everyone.**


	3. Chapter 3: Nya's POV

**So I decided I would try to go every other chapter with the "If Only" thing. I'd love it if you continue to let me know what you think of it in the reviews, and if you'd prefer a different format for this story!**

 **Reviews:**

 **KRR - I know, it's terrible how much has happened to Kai:( Hopefullt we'll see some good news soon. Also, I'm still working on getting the Kai/Cole nightmare fic posted. Obviously, you'll know when it is!**

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Chapter 3: Nya's POV

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If only the walk to his room wasn't so long.

If only my hands weren't fiddling nervously at my side or with my shirt as I walked.

If only I wasn't walking down a hospital corridor.

If only Jay wasn't beside me, silent in all this mess.

If only tears didn't sting my eyes as I struggled to keep up with the doctor.

If only memories of Kai didn't rush through my mind.

If only his smile, the way he laughed, his reckless ways, didn't make my heart ache the way it did now.

If only my heart didn't ache because my brother had almost died.

If only my stomach didn't drop, then twist and turn as we stood in front of the doorway.

If only the file next to the door didn't read my brother's name.

If only I didn't have to cling to Jay's hand for support, as my trembling frail body moved to open the door.

If only that terrible, sick feeling didn't well up inside me as I stepped into the room. Seeing his peaceful (and too pale) face was proving too much for me.

If only my eyes didn't catch sight of the missing limb.

If only I didn't see the breathing mask helping him live.

If only the tears hadn't burst out and made my eyes mini-oceans, and I hadn't needed to cover my mouth with my hand to stifle the sobs.

If only I didn't need Jay to guide me forward right now. Lest I stay there forever in the doorway, shocked and shaking and broken.

If only I could've held it together better as I stroked Kai's hair. Maybe then I would've whispered comforting words that he could or could not hear.

If only I hadn't fingered the bandages circling his shoulder.

If only he hadn't started awake, eyes wide for a moment before snapping shut again.

If only he hadn't seized upwards, as if struggling for air even though the breathing mask gave it to him.

If only the incessant beeping didn't fill the room and my heart with dread.

If only I hadn't screamed quite so loudly for someone to help. I felt like a crazy person, but this was my brother. I couldn't help it.

If only they hadn't told Jay to take me away.

If only I hadn't kicked and yelled Kai's name as we left the room.

If only there hadn't needed to be so many doctors surrounding my brother's bed.

If only he hadn't needed any doctors in the first place.

If only we didn't return to the waiting room to such pleading (desperate) eyes.

If only we could've told them that Kai would be alright.

If only Jay didn't force me to sit down - force me to wait in silence once more.


	4. Chapter 4: Movement

**So I hope you guys are enjoying this story so far! Let me know what I can do to improve it and make it more interesting.**

 **I'm gonna try to get to Kai soon, but I thought it was important to set up how everyone else is feeling and such. Let me know if you like it, or if it's a bit slow.**

 **Honesty is the best policy! I need it if I want to make you guys happy with my work.**

 **Thank you to all reviews!**

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Chapter 4: Movement

 _(If only Jay didn't force me to sit down_

 _\- force me to wait in silence once more)_

Cole's POV

Nya seemed completely broken down when they came back. It shook me to the core to think that something (that Kai) had scared her so badly that the fearless Samurai (master of water) was replaced by this shaking, sobbing girl.

"What happened?" I couldn't help but shout as she and Jay sat down in their regular seats. On the contrary, I was now standing half out of my seat, fingers still gripping the chair's arms like a lifeline.

Nya just shook her head and gestured for Jay to explain. She was still crying.

The master of lightning sighed, running tired fingers through his reddish-brown hair before he spoke.

"I don't know. We went in there, one second seeing Kai lying there all still and silent and pale. The next thing you know, he's seizing up like he can't breathe and his monitor's going crazy. The doctors came in then and forced us out. Didn't tell us what was happening or anything."

I looked up at the ceiling. "So we're back to square one?" _(Back to waiting?)_

"Yeah. I guess so."

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I tapped my hand nervously against my leg, and glanced at the clock for the millionth time. Three hours since Dr. Bradley had told us we could come see Kai, two hours and forty-five minutes since Nya had come back sobbing, and the same amount of time of us sitting in unrelenting, deathly quiet silence.

Silence. We didn't get much of that with this team. And normally I wouldn't mind a moment of peace.

But this wasn't peace. This was painful torture. This was worry and impatience and longing and missing and empty and painful and torturous and agony. It was agony. Because a piece of our puzzle was missing.

A piece we needed so badly to make this team work and fit.

Kai. Kai was our missing piece, and I couldn't take it.

I couldn't take the feeling that I was helpless. That I couldn't do anything to help Kai, or take his pain away or bring him back to us. I couldn't take this waiting and silence and worry and pain any longer.

So finally, I stood up. All eyes seemed to turn to me, as if they were grateful for some new type of movement, anything rather than the blank walls they were staring at or the pointless, ad-filled magazine they'd be mindlessly flipping through.

"Where are you going, brother?" Zane questioned softly. I met his ice-blue eyes which were full of exhaustion and care and concern. My hands reached for the half-full coffee cup that had been sitting on the side table between my chair and Jay's. I shook a little and showed it to Zane.

"I'm gonna get some more coffee." The nindroid raised an eyebrow.

"But you barely drank your first cup."

I sighed. I wanted to retort with some snarky comment or something, but I knew it wouldn't help. Besides my brain was too tired to think of a comeback. "Whatever. Maybe I'll grab something to eat. Wanna come?"

Zane nodded solemnly. "Anything must be better than sitting here in silence."

"Read my mind." I tried for a smile, but it felt weak even to me.

Then I turned to the rest of my team. Wu and Misako were chatting quietly now, I couldn't tell what. They would be fine for now, plus they were adults. They could handle themselves. Nya was leaning against Jay's shoulder, getting some much needed (if a bit uncomfortable) sleep. I didn't want to interrupt that. But Lloyd...hmph. He was just sitting there with a magazine in his hands, staring blankly at the cover. He needed something to get his mind off the situation for a while.

"Hey, Lloyd. Zane and I are gonna grab some food at the cafeteria. Wanna come?" I tried to put a happy, comfortable lilt to my voice, but I didn't think I succeeded. Lloyd's normally bright green eyes looked up at me.

"Nah."

I sighed. This kid was going to drive himself crazy if he kept thinking about our injured teammate. "You're coming," I said firmly. He stared to protest, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him along down the hallway after Zane.

Maybe I couldn't help Kai right now. But I was going to do everything I could to help the rest of us.

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 **Aww some cute leader-ish Cole stuff. Was that portrayed well? Too weak? Too strong? Lemme know in the comments!**

 **Also, what do you think should happen next?**

 **I'm thinking some "If Onlys" from Lloyd's POV, then some emotional/angsty stuff happening in the cafeteria. Maybe a heated conversatiom showing how stressed they all are...idk it's all just ideas.**

 **Thx for reading;)**


	5. Chapter 5: Lloyd's POV

**Chapter 5! Lloyd's POV. This is really sad and intense so prepare. Especially if Lloyd is your favorite.**

 **Thank you so much to all the reviewers. It means so much to mean that you enjoyed my work!**

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Chapter 5: Lloyd's POV

If only I wasn't the Ultimate Spinjitzu Master. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so guilty about all this.

If only I could've done something to save him, could've realized he was in danger and ran to his aid.

If only I hadn't been so wrapped in my own personal battles to ignore the rest of my team.

If only I hadn't been so selfish.

If only I had at least been there to comfort him after the fall, like Cole was. Maybe then I'd feel some sense of peace from knowing I'd helped him.

If only I wasn't expected to save people. Maybe then I wouldn't feel this sense of dread that I couldn't even save my own brother.

If only Cole wasn't so forceful when he dragged me from my seat towards the cafeteria. I didn't think my stomach could handle anymore pressure. I knew any small scent of food would send it churning in disgust, even though I hadn't eaten in two days.

If only I didn't feel so lost and confused even as I walked down the hall in a straight line. Following the leader. (Following Cole.)

If only I had some sort of signal (some bright spot, some lighthouse) to point me in the right direction.

If only I had that light at the end of the tunnel, then I would have Kai. (Kai was the master of fire. He was light. He was a guide. He guided people through the darkness.)

If only the darkness wasn't so thick, even though it wasn't real. (I just felt like my head was swimming in pain, even though I wasn't the one hospitalized. This was a heart pain. This was emotional. But it felt physical. Physical pain and physical darkness.)

If only Cole and Zane's quiet voices didn't make my head pound.

If only they understood how much pain (emotional, physical) I was in.

If only they at least pretended to understand the weight of the situation. (I knew they really did understand, perhaps more than me, but the way they could nonchalantly get up leave right now without knowing anything, screamed, "they didn't.")

If only the tears didn't sting my eyes even though my heart felt numb.

If only the Green Ninja was allowed to show fear.

If only I didn't lag behind and make Cole suspicious.

If only I didn't sniffle and choke on sobs as I held back the tears.

If only my teammates weren't so dang smart and caring.

If only Cole's arms weren't so warm and strong when they wrapped around me. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so childish and vulnerable and weak as I cried into his shirt.

If only Cole's gentle words were comprehensible through my sobs.

If only his voice wasn't so soothing. Maybe then I could've stopped crying.

If only my sobs didn't echo down the hospital corridor.

If only we weren't in a hospital corridor to begin with.

If only our team could be whole again.

If only I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

If only I didn't have to have all this responsibility that made me feel like I was worthless when I couldn't fulfill it.

If only the master of fire could walk through the door now, sling his arm over his shoulder and say everything would be alright.

If only Kai hadn't taken the hit to save my life.

Maybe then I wouldn't feel so guilty.

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 **Nooo Lloyd let me hug you! This was actually really sad for me. I can't even imagine how he's feeling right now.**

 **Ugh, hopefully some good news will come soon. (But what am I saying? I wrote this.)**


	6. Chapter 6: Awake

**Hey readers! Thanks for waiting almost four freakin months for this update!**

 **I'm sorry life is so crazy...**

 **And to be honest, this chapter probably isn't worth having waited so long...**

 **But I didn't know which way I wanted to go with this and finally decided to just give this a shot!**

 **It's so short. Definitely one of shortest chapters ever, so sorry about that:/**

 **Anyway, I hope you still enjoy it.**

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Cole's POV

We never made it to the cafeteria. Even after Lloyd stopped crying, none of us felt like moving or eating or doing anything really. So we just sat in the strangely empty, quiet hallway (maybe it was the fact that it was 9pm), listening to each other's steady breathing.

I wondered when Kai would wake up again, wondered when we'd be able to see him. My confidence was strong. My faith in him was a strong. It was not an "if" he would wake up again, it was a "when," and even if it took days or weeks or months or even years, none of us would ever give up on him. Because you don't give up on brothers, on family, and if it was the other way around, Kai would never give up on any of us.

I sighed. All my thoughts were weighing me down. My eyelids felt heavy for the first time that day, like the weight of the situation was suddenly crashing down on me. Maybe just a few minutes of sleep would...

"Guys!" I shot up, wide awake just as my head had touched Zane's shoulder. That was Jay's voice. What...

"What is it, Jay?" Lloyd asked in concern, getting to his feet quickly.

Jay came to a stop in front of us, stopping to catch his breath. His lightly freckled cheeks were flushed and his hair stuck to his wet forehead. Had we wandered that far away from the waiting room?

"It's Kai," Jay gasped the answer, which should've been obvious, but for some reason we were all sent into a fluster.

"What about him?" I fairly yelled.

"They said he's awake! But something's wrong again...not like last time. He's scared, or panicking or whatever they said! I think he needs you Cole..."

"Me? Why..."

"It doesn't matter!" Jay shouted in frustration. "He's asking for you so you need to get down there!"

I guess I was just so shocked to hear he was awake again, and calling for me? But either way I snapped myself out of my shock and followed Jay at a near sprint back down the hallway.

Kai needed me. They said he was panicking? It didn't matter why, I realized-Kai needed me and asked for me so why question it? He was awake, he needed my help, so I would be there for him. My brother.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Jay and I made it back to the waiting room. I vaguely realized Lloyd and Zane had managed to keep up, and now all of us were left gasping for air.

Dr. Bradley had been talking to Misako and Sensei, but he seemed a little flustered. When we burst into the room, he turned in surprise, then seemed to quickly recover.

"Cole, is it?" He asked me.

I nodded breathlessly. "Where's Kai? Is he really calling for me?"

"It appears so," the doctor said. "Come with me quickly."

He waved a hand as if gesturing for me follow. My heart pounding wildly in my chest, I did just that.

Kai. He needed me. I had to stay cool and calm and steady and strong and everything he couldn't be right now because of his injury. I steeled myself for what I would see, and for what I wouldn't (his arm). I steeled myself for the paleness of his skin and the IVs that would be in his other (only) arm and maybe he'd have a breathing mask or something (no, Dr. Bradley had said Kai asked for me, so he could obviously talk), and I steeled myself for the emotional scarring that he might have (and I might receive too).

Then I opened his door.


	7. Chapter 7: New POV

**Wow this is way shorter then I thought. Ugh I keep doing this.**

 **But I'm pretty sure I like this chapter better. (The if only chapters are the best XD)**

 **Enjoy!**

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(Not Cole's POV)

If only he hadn't woken up to an unfamiliar face

If only he hadn't noticed so quickly that something was wrong, something was missing

If only he wasn't so young, too young to handle the weight of knowing his life was forever changed

If only he didn't fight me when I tried to keep him in bed

If only he wasn't so strong and young and reckless

If only I wasn't forced to call security and cause him to be more terrified than he already was _(He wasn't angry or hostile or violent, only scared and alone and panicked)_

If only he didn't cry his friend's name as if he would die without him

If only he didn't wail that _he needed his brother, he needed Cole_ until his voice was hoarse

If only he didn't begin to hyperventilate until I thought he would faint from the pressure

If only I wasn't terrified that he'd reopen both wounds

If only whoever this Cole was wasn't taking so long to get here

If only I had experienced something like this before, so I could've been prepared for the emotional scarring it would leave

(I couldn't imagine how he was feeling, so scared and helpless, hardly seventeen years old with so much life left to live, and now all alone in a hospital room without anyone he loved (or even knew) around him when he remembered what had happened)

If only I didn't start sobbing myself, helpless to help him because of my own tears

If only I could've taken away his pain, physical...or emotional

(After all I was a nurse, and soothing other people's pain was what I longed to do.)

If only this poor kid, Kai, didn't have to suffer such pain at such a young age.

If only...there wasn't this much pain in the world.

Maybe then I wouldn't feel so helpless.


	8. Chapter 8: It's Okay, I'm Here

**Sorry it's been forever since I've updated.**

 **Hope you like this heart-wrenching chapter :')**

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Chapter 8: It's Okay, I'm Here

 _("You're good buddy._

 _It's okay._

 _You're safe now."_

 _~ Cole Brookstone)_

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Cole's POV

I could never have prepared my heart for the scene behind the closed door. My eyes swept the room, spotting the sobbing nurse in the corner who sat helplessly watching two people struggle in the middle of the room. The first person I saw was a giant dressed in the darkest blue uniform, as if it was woven from a night sky. He had a holster strapped to his side and with his belt and all, I decided he was a security guard. The security guard who was desperately trying to get someone to calm down.

I was frozen as I watched the brawny guard resort to wrapping his arms around the screaming, crying, flailing patient and lift him into the air. The guard backed up a few steps, his back hitting the wall where he let the patient's feet dangle above the ground. The patient didn't calm down.

He was just...screaming...and crying and flailing. Like he was trying to get away from some unseen monster, something beyond me, something beyond this world. Something that came from his own mind.

I took a step forward. I forced myself to. The patient didn't stop struggling, and he didn't seem to notice the movement from the doorway. My throat started to close, but I forced myself to breathe.

I kept my eyes trained on the patient as I tentatively started to move forward. He was distraught, and he was unseeing. His eyes didn't even seem to see me (or maybe he just couldn't see me for who I was) as I stood in front of him. His upper body remained engulfed by the arms of the security guard, who was twice his size and holding him against his will. I had to say the patient's name twice for him to even look up at me, for him to even appear to recognize me.

"Kai. Kai, hey, look at me."

In that moment, the fighting lessened. The sobs ceased, and Kai looked up. His hazel eyes cleared for a moment, wide and full of fear and pain.

I could tell the security guard was wary of letting him go, so I nodded at him and held out my arms. Still having a grip on Kai's arm, the guard set him on his feet.

Kai wobbled. He took a dive towards the ground.

"Woah, okay, okay." I caught him under his shoulders and hauled him up. Pulling him into a hug, I swallowed, trying to ignore the empty space where his right arm used to be. "You're good, buddy," I assured him. "It's okay. You're safe now." My right arm supported him around his back, while my left went to rub the back of his head in a soothing gesture.

Then he made a weird sound, like a whimper, and buried his face in my shoulder. That sound was honestly worse than the screams from before. It was just so sad. So vulnerable. Like a scared child.

I didn't know what I was doing; I'd never had to deal with something like this before. Never had to see my best friend become so unraveled, do things so unlike himself _(screamingcryingflailing)_ out of complete and utter fear. I'd never had to comfort him like this before (well, maybe once before after a nightmare, but even then he wasn't so distraught). And I'd never had to see any of my teammates (friends, brothers) so injured, physically or emotionally.

It got to the point where I was literally holding up Kai's weight. His entire body was trembling, whether from fear or exhaustion or pain, I didn't know, but he finally let me lead him back to the hospital bed. I tried to help him up but he pushed away my hand and did it himself. The task was done painfully by the grimace on his face. Plus, I realized, he had to figure out how to do it with only one arm.

Now that I thought about it, I probably would've freaked just as much as he did had this happened to me. I mentally cursed myself. How could we have let Kai be alone when he woke up? I couldn't imagine how scared he had been, one moment fighting for his life on the battlefield, the next, waking up in a stark white room with a missing arm and no one he recognized nearby. Part of me wondered if the reason he'd been screaming and fighting was because he thought he had to. Maybe Kai thought he still hadn't left the war.


	9. Chapter 9: Partners in Crime

**I know I JUST updated but I couldn't wait. Plus I wouldn't go get some Jay Jay thoughts in there for ya:)**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 9: Little Brothers, Partners in Crime

 _("You're my main man,_

 _you're my go to._

 _And now I'm standing here_

 _without you._

 _And it hurts.")_

* * *

Jay's POV

If only I wasn't so bad at waiting for answers.

If only Nya would wake up again so I could have someone to talk to. (I was barely containing myself from bursting out of my seat and pacing around the waiting room, but I knew that would only make everyone else more anxious.)

If only Cole would come back so I could ask him if Kai was alright.

If only I knew I wouldn't like the answer I'd be given.

If only I could've seen Kai awake myself.

If only he had asked for me instead. (I didn't understand it. Why he asked for Cole. I mean, I knew he was the leader, that they were close, but Kai was my best friend.)

If only I had been there when Kai fell, when he was hurt.

If only I'd helped him, been there for him like he would have been for me.

If only I hadn't been preoccupied with the Aryan warriors, too preoccupied to save my friend.

If only the warriors weren't so strong.

If only they didn't take EVERYTHING from us. (Our home, our lives, and almost our brother.)

If only I hadn't become a ninja in the first place. (I couldn't do anything. I wasn't strong like Cole or smart like Zane or powerful like Lloyd or or brave like Kai...)

If only I didn't imagine being in his shoes. (Being in so much pain that he could hardly breathe, having to wake up to a missing part of himself that he never imagined would fail him or leave him, having to live with the trauma, the remembrance of how he almost died, and waking up alone to no one he knew.)

If only we were home, we were safe, and everything was okay, everything was back to normal, we had NEVER fought this war, we had NEVER lost this battle.

If only Kai and I weren't best friends, partners in crime, "I've got your back" kind of teammates, and the annoying but loved little brothers. (Lloyd included.)

If only I'd never met Kai. Because that would mean we never became ninja, he'd never have almost died, and I wouldn't be sitting here with an aching heart knowing I couldn't lift a finger to take away his pain.


	10. Chapter 10: Fighter

**Hey guys! What has it been? Three months since I last updated? Whatever it is, I'm so sorry for such a long wait! Y'all know how hard writing can be, especially in the midst of everything else going on in life. Inspiration is often hard to come by:)**

 **Anyway I'm finslly back to writing "If Only" thanks to guest reviewer Midnight, who said she'd love to see this story updated. So here ya go everyone, sorry it's such a short chapter, but I wanted to get something out there!**

* * *

Chapter 10: Fighter

 _("A true champion_

 _will fight through_

 _anything._

 _~ Floyd Mayweather Jr.)_

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Cole's POV

I finally got Kai to fall asleep. He begged me to stay, made me _promise_ not to leave him even if he fell asleep. I promised him, many, many times that I'd never leave him again. _(That was how he'd gotten hurt. No one had his back.)_

I remembered it, the set up during battle. Our sort of sloppy formation. Jay and I had been close to each other, nearly back to back for most of the battle, covering each other, warning each other. Zane and Lloyd had been together, working as a team and taking down warrior after warrior. Nya had been helping Kai, then her suit had apparently malfunctioned and her brother had _commanded_ her to retreat. So he was alone. We left him alone. And this had happened.

I clutched his hand so even in his sleep, Kai could be reassured that I was still here.

Dr. Bradley had come in recently to restitch the parts of the wounds that had reopened, as well as rewrap them in clean bandages. He let me watch, but I had to look away a few times. He showed me how the stab wound in Kai's abdomen had gone clear through; there was a line of 12 stitches to the right of his naval, and 8 stitches in the same spot on his lower back.

"In all honesty, I don't know how he survived," Dr. Bradley told me. "With the combination of losing his arm and obtaining and intestinal stab wound, blood loss alone should've taken him. But miraculously he pulled through. I think your friend's a fighter."

My eyes got misty halfway through Dr. Bradley's speech. I blinked the tears away, trying for a smile as he finished.

"Oh I know he is," I said. "If anyone could survive losing an arm and a stab wound, Kai could. He's got the most willpower of anyone I know."

It was the truth. And at the moment, I was so thankful for that. Without Kai fighting through, we would've lost him.


	11. Chapter 11: The Truth Hurts

**Make sure to check out the questions at the bottom of the chapter! Feedback is much appreciated!**

 **Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter. Poor Kai...**

* * *

Chapter 11: The Truth Hurts

* * *

Kai's POV

If only my eyes didn't feel so heavy as I struggled to lift them open

If only I didn't have to rely on my other senses instead

If only a strange, swimming sensation didn't make my head spin

If only a dull ache didn't pulsate in two distinct places on my body

If only my abdomen didn't ache and cause me to wince with every other breath, every small, yet sudden movement

If only my arm didn't reach down so I could finger the soft bandages encircling most of my torso

If only I didn't need bandages at all

If only my breath didn't quicken slightly, panic threatening to overtake me

If only my mind didn't strain to remember past events

If only my hand hadn't traveled to the other aching part of my body

If only my fingertips hadn't brushed my right shoulder

If only...I hadn't froze at how _wrong_ this was

If only my left hand hadn't grasped my right shoulder, as my mind struggled to comprehend

If only I didn't realize that something was missing, something _wasn't_ right!

If only my hand didn't keep searching for something that wasn't and never would be there

If only I didn't start hyperventilating at the thought

If only my mind didn't repeat over and over

(I can't breathe _Icantbreathe)_

Because this couldn't be happening, not to me, not to my family, because I had to fight, had to keep fighting and without my arm I couldn't...couldn't protect...couldn't... _couldn't live..._

If only I hadn't puked on his shoes as I leaned over the bed to rid myself of my nausea

If only I had seen him sleeping in the uncomfortable looking chair next to my bed

If only he hadn't started awake, immediately coming to my aid, immediately worried...

If only I hadn't heard the panic laced into his, _"Kai? Kai, what's wrong?"_ between my heaves

If only his comforting hand hadn't been placed on my back to steady me

If only the bitter taste in my mouth didn't make my eyes water

If only he hadn't been so gentle as he eased me back down onto the bed

If only he hadn't carded his fingers through my hair in a soothing motion, gently asking me again... _what had happened?_

If only I hadn't found out I'd lost my arm

Maybe then I could've composed myself enough to give Cole an answer

* * *

 **Alright, so I need to know...**

 **1)** **Do you like every other chapter has the "if only" format?**

 **2) if no, should I jusr make them every few chapters? Or should I completely eliminate them?**

 **This is super important because it will determine how I proceed with this story!**


	12. Chapter 12: Finally

Chapter 12: Finally

* * *

Cole's POV

I woke up to Kai puking on my shoes. Instantly, my heart was pounding as I darted up, rushing to his aid.

"Kai?" I asked. "Kai, what's wrong?"

I placed a comforting hand on his back, as he puked up nearly clear liquid again. He obviously didn't answer me; he couldn't. When he finally finished, I grabbed his arm (his only arm, I again realized with a lump in my throat) and helped him settled back into the bed.

His eyes clamped shut again, but tightly, so I knew he wasn't going to fall asleep again. I knew I should probably get a doctor _(Kai had been puking)_ , but I couldn't bring myself to leave him.

His entire body was trembling, fingers tightly gripping the sheets behind him. Kai's face had paled considerably. (Although I didn't know how that was possible _when he'd already been so pale_.)

"Hey," I said, touching his shoulder. The wrong shoulder. Kai violently flinched away from my touch, sliding as far as he could to the other side of the bed.

"D...don't...don't touch me." His voice quivered, and he turned his face away.

And for a moment I just stood there because...I was at a loss. What was I supposed to say? Nothing I could think of would be enough to comfort my hurting _([heart]broken)_ friend. Finally I settled for the lamest question on the face of Ninjago.

"Kai," I said, my voice nearly as hoarse as his. Tears stung my eyes.

At the sound of his name, Kai sunk back into the bed, his eyes shut. I watched him swallow deeply, his face tight, as if he was trying to hold his emotions in check. He took a deep breath in and slowly let it out. Now that he was somewhat lucid, he was trying to control himself...

"Are you okay?"

Kai nodded. But I waited. One...two...thr— his face crumpled, as I knew it would, and I watched my best friend slowly shake his head 'no.'

No, I'm not okay. I'm broken.

Those must've been the thoughts running through his head as I watched the two small trails of moisture slip down his cheeks. And this time I didn't need to ask what the problem was.

* * *

Lloyd's POV

I tapped my foot impatiently _(nervously, worriedly)_ , and my eyes wandered for the umpteenth to the clock on the wall. It had been approximately _1 hour and 16_ _minutes_...Since my breakdown in the hallway, since Jay had come sprinting down looking for us, since we had returned to the waiting room to, well, wait, since Cole had been swept away to comfort Kai had asked for him. Not me, not Jay, not even Nya. And I knew this wasn't the right time to be jealous, that it wasn't something I should be worrying about right now, but it kind of stung a little.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. "Ugh, what's taking them so long?" I said a little loudly, a little too aggressively. Several members of my family jumped, considering the room had been dead silent before.

Sensei Wu sighed, then spoke up, his voice fragile but steady. "We must have patience, Lloyd. I'm sure Cole would've asked for help if it wasn't under control."

"But I want to see him!" I complained. "It's only fair since it was my bl—" I trailed off, realizing what I was about to say sounded really bratty. Arrogant, even. Just because I was the one who had given a portion of my blood to Kai. Just because I happened to have the same blood type as him, didn't give me special privileges. I realized if anyone else in my family had had a match, they would've willingly given their blood too. I sighed, running a through my hair and down my face. "I'm sorry, guys. I'm just...worried. I know you all want to see him as much as I do."

My mother stood up from her chair, setting aside the magazine she had mindlessly been browsing through. Jay occupied the chair on my right, with Nya leaning on his shoulder from the next chair over, so my mom sat down on my left. Her gentle hand touched my shoulder. _Oh crap_...she just had to have such a comforting touch. Tears stung my eyes but I sucked in a breath, holding them back. I was the Green Ninja. Green Ninjas don't cry.

"Lloyd," my mother said, her voice soft. _Keep it together, Lloyd._ "It's okay to be upset, worried. Like you said, we all are and we all want to see Kai with our own eyes to reassure ourselves he's okay. But I'm sure he's hurting more than any of us, right now. And Kai knows the person that can best comfort him in this moment. For some reason, that's Cole, even if we're not sure why. We just have to hope that Cole _can_ comfort Kai, have to trust that he has things under control."

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. She was right.

"And," my mother added. "You know Cole would send for us when he saw fit. He wouldn't keep us from Kai unless he thought Kai would be overwhelmed in some way. Trust your teammate."

"I...I do. I just wanna see Kai."

My mother smiled sympathetically. "You will. Just be patient."

My jaw clenched. But I'd already been patient...we'd been patient for what, three days now? Is that how long we'd been at the hospital? I know after the first day and night at the hospital, Sensei and my mom had forced us to go home for the night. We'd come back in the morning...stayed here overnight and now...now we were still waiting.

I settled my chin into my palm, resisting the urge to make a dash for the door that would lead me to the hallway that led to Kai's room. But I did trust Cole. He would—

Everyone's head popped up (minus Nya, who was asleep), and eagerly turned our eyes to the person who'd just walked into the room. Speaking of Cole.

He had dark circles under his eyes as I examined him, but the last time I'd seen him he'd looked panicked, so at least now he seemed somewhat settled. We were all silent, allowing him to speak at his own pace. One hand ran through his thick, black hair before he spoke.

"Kai's awake. And he wants to see everyone."

At his words, my heart lurched in ecstasy. _Finally._


	13. Chapter 13: Deserved

Chp 13: I Don't Want to be Alone

* * *

Cole's POV

When Kai started crying, both of us became deathly silent. I sat on the edge of the bed, wrapped my arms around him and let his (silent) tears soak into my gi. If I had thoughts of any words that would be comforting in this moment, I would have said them. But I couldn't, so I didn't. I just held him.

After a while, when Kai's shaking seemed to slow, I spoke up softly.

"Hey, bro?"

"Hmm?" He sounded sleepy.

"You know...the others have been waiting for a while. I know they'd love to see you." I held my breath, not sure how he would react.

Kai pushed away gently, leaning back on the bed. He stared at me with wide eyes.

"The...the others? They're here?" He sounded so surprised that I wondered where he thought they would be.

"Of course they are! They could never leave you," I assured him, staring at him quizzically.

His expression turned hopeful. (Did that mean it had been hopeless before?) "But...but the battle. I thought that they were…"

My face blanched. Kai thought since I was the only one here with him that the others hadn't made it out of the battle.

"No, no. Kai, they're here and they're okay, I promise you. Look I can even show you…" I stood up, moving towards the door to the hallway.

"No!" His panicked cry made my hand freeze over the doorknob.

I looked back at Kai, my eyes worried and questioning. "You don't want me to…"

He visibly swallowed. "N...no, it's fine. I want to see them, it's just…" I don't want to be alone. Oh. My hand retracted from the doorknob for a second.

"Hey, I'll be right back man, okay? There and back, real quick. No sweat."

"Right." Kai's (one) hand fiddled with the edge of the bed sheets as he tried to convince himself it would be okay.

I kept my eyes on him a moment longer, reassuring myself he would be okay. But I had to let the others know that Kai was awake and more or less okay. They deserved to know and they deserved to see him after all this torturous waiting.


	14. Chapter 14: Family

**Oh my gosh, it's been forever, I'm so so so so sorry. Sometimes you just lose inspiration and motivation for stories, but I really do wanna keep going with this it's just so hard with life combined with epic writer's block!**

 **I desperately hope you enjoy this terribly short chapter, and I hope to satisfy you soon with another, hopefully much more lengthy chapter.**

* * *

Kai's POV

I watched the members of my family trickling in one my one, my heart pounding in my chest as my mind tried to convince it this was real. My family was here, they were alive, and they were going to be okay. _Even if I wasn't._

Tears stung my eyes as I felt my sister's gentle hand sweeping the hair from my forehead and placing a soft kiss to my cheek, before throwing her arms around my neck in a desperate embrace.

"I'm so happy you're okay," she whispered in my ear. When she pulled back, I saw tears glinting in her eyes as she struggled to hold them back.

Then Lloyd was hugging me, patting me on the back gently and burying his face in my good shoulder (the one that still had an arm attached). I knew he was worried about disturbing my injuries, and that everyone was trying really hard not to look at the missing part of me. I appreciated the effort, but the fact that it was there still made me tense and uncomfortable.

"Kai," Lloyd whimpered, face still buried in my shoulder. The kid was shaking and my heart broke at the choked sobs he was desperately trying to stop from coming out. I had to say something, give him something to focus on, to distract him from the mixture of pain and relief he was surely feeling.

"It's okay, Lloyd," I said quietly, reaching my hand up to rest in his blond hair. "I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving you again."

"G-good. Cuz otherwise I'd have to find you and kick your butt." He pulled back, trying for a laugh and furiously wiping at his face to hide any trace of tears, but to no avail.

I smiled, going for a chuckle of my own to put the kid at ease. It was strained, and I felt a sharp pain ring through my center with the movement. F-, the pain killer must be wearing off. But for now, I had to hide it, because my family was here and I couldn't waste anymore time without seeing them, without letting them reassure themselves that I was here and alive in front of them.


	15. Chapter 15: Home

**I have a tendency to post chapters without even editing, so I'm just praying this turns out well! XD**

 **Enjoy friends!**

* * *

Cole's POV

It'd been three weeks since Kai was first admitted to the hospital. And today was the day he'd finally be released. Now it didn't seem that long for someone who'd had a stab wound, and severed limb, but the doctors kept informing us about the miracle of how well Kai was doing.

There was one day when Dr. Bradley asked us if the wounds had been cauterized before we brought Kai to the hospital that first night. The fact that his wounds weren't bleeding as much as they should've been had brought the doctors to the conclusion that we must've been actively trying to stop the bleeding through cauterization. None of us recalled doing so, but then I remembered.

Kai's own fire sword had been used against him by an Aryan warrior. And fire meant heat, so if the blade had been hot, then it would've automatically cauterized the wounds. In a way, it felt like the Sword of Fire was trying to protect Kai, trying to do everything it could to protect its wielder. Either way, in my mind, Kai's fire powers saved his life.

In all honesty, the "how" didn't matter to me anymore. I didn't care _how_ Kai was alive, or healing so quickly; I just cared that he was. So now, as I made my way to Kai's room for the last time, his change of clothes in hand, I thought only of Kai in his current state.

For whatever reason, Kai had specifically requested that I be the one to help him change and bring him home. He'd become almost excessively clingy over the past several weeks, but only with me. I didn't mind it all, if it's what Kai needed, but that didn't mean I wasn't confused. Eventually, once we settled back down into life at the Bounty, if he was still showing particularly more clinginess with me, I was going to look into why.

But again, all that mattered right now was getting Kai home.

I twisted the handle on his door, a mixture of excitement and anxiety settling in my gut. I was excited we could finally get our brother back home, but deep down I knew that nothing was going to go back to the way it was before. Before the Aryans came into the picture. Before the fate-changing battle that cost Kai his arm and almost his life. And before Kai had become emotionally unstable, showing signs of major PTSD that made it hard to remember the bright, burning, unstoppable and fearless flame he once was. The personality and emotional change in Kai wasn't his fault - in no way was it his fault. But that didn't mean it hurt any less.

"Hey, Kai," I greeted warmly, as I strode up to the bedside. I was ecstatic to see he was already sitting up, and the faint color that had been making its way to his cheeks through the past few days hadn't disappeared. "Ready to go home?" I grinned, and it was actually genuine. Kai not responding to my greeting or my question put a damper on my mood, but I tried not to let it show.

In silence, Kai simply yanked the sheet off himself and turned his body so his legs dangled stiffly off the bed. I studied his face for a second, trying to gauge his emotions based off his expression but it was difficult when he was basically stone-faced. With a barely audible sigh, I pulled his change of clothes from the backpack I'd been carrying and laid them on the chair next to the bed.

"Alright, buddy." I stepped forward, hands reaching towards him in hesitation. "Do you need help getting your gown off?"

I tried to make it sound as nonchalant as possible, because I knew Kai, which meant the one thing he hated most in the world was feeling weak. He also hated feeling like someone doubted he could do something without their help. It was like he took it as a personal challenge, even if it was a genuinely benevolent offer. He still felt like he needed to defend his pride.

Thus, I was torn. I so badly wanted to help my brother, almost coddle him, ya know? I just wanted to comfort and protect him, because after all he'd been through, he deserved it. But I also wanted to help Kai feel like a man, feel strong, like he was more than capable of taking care of himself. I didn't want to take away his pride, by making him feel like he couldn't even take care of his basic needs. A good leader empowers people and encourages them in their strengths, while also balancing protecting them from harm.

Sure enough, Kai scoffed, not even bothering to look up at me, as he reached for the hem of his gown and slowly pulled it over his head. He threw it on the bed next to him, leaving him in just his boxers and crew socks. Plus the bandage that tightly circled his entire torso and crossed up to his shoulder.

Satisfied with that, I grabbed the first article of clothing from the chair, his red hoodie. "Okay, Kai, here's your hood-" My arm froze in mid air as my gaze locked on Kai again.

He was still deathly silent, but I could see the emotions etched across his face as he gazed at his bare right shoulder. His hazel eyes were glossy, like glass threatening to break. As he sensed my eyes on him, his chiseled jaw clenched and jutted out every so slightly in an effort to not let the tears fall. An act of sheer will, refusing to let weakness show. For a moment, this moment, I could clearly see the fragility of Kai's soul. It was made of glass, like the look in his eyes, but his soul was fractured. A part of him was gone, and his soul felt the ache, the longing for what was missing.

But Kai, being the stubborn, self-assured, warrior that he was, was desperately trying to will himself back together. He was trying to replace what was missing by sheer force of his mind, but in the end, that would only break him more. Because you couldn't replace something that before, you'd never given a second thought to. Something that was simply always there, and you never imagined you'd have to live without. Something you depended on so heavily without even realizing it.

I watched Kai's internal struggle flash across his face, but in such small glimpses that I didn't think anyone would be able to notice unless they were purposely looking for it with a magnifying glass. I didn't know how I noticed it. Maybe leader's instinct. But my own heart felt like what I saw about Kai's soul. Like it was made of glass, and breaking.

Slowly, I extended my arm, ready to hold out the hoodie in silent question. I'd let Kai decide if he wanted my help. At least he could feel that he was capable of making his own decision.

He took several more seconds before looking up, first at the outstretched red garment, then up at me, meeting my gaze with wide, soulful eyes. Then back at the hoodie as he reached out and took it.

I watched as he grabbed the hem of the hoodie in preparation to pull it over his head with his non dominant hand. I knew it'd be possible, but it wouldn't be as easy as 1-2-3 anymore. And I couldn't help but think it was just such a painful reminder of how things would be for Kai from now on.

He got it over his head, but seemed to be having trouble straightening it so he could get his arm through. Finally, and sort of out of instinct, I reached forward and helped pull the hoodie the rest of the way on. He kept his gaze down, but I could see his cheeks flush and hand clench into a fist as if holding something back.

Now the pants. I snatched the black joggers off the chair, the only kind of sweats Kai had deemed "cool" enough to be worn in public. Again, I hesitated as I handed them to him. This time, I had to remember there wasn't just the lack of an arm to think of. Kai had been impaled by his own sword, a wound that would still take weeks, even months to recover from. I didn't want Kai moving around too much and aggravating the stitches in his abdomen.

"Let me help you this time," I suggested gently, but reaching forward and tugging the pants up to his waist before he could protest. Quickly, I pulled the drawstring tight, swallowing the lump in my throat at just how tight I had to pull it. Kai'd lost a noticeable amount of weight through his time in the hospital.

"Alright, now just the shoes, I'll grab the doctors, and we're ready to go."

I was proud of myself for thinking to bring Kai's slip-on Vans, so he wouldn't have to worry about tying laces yet. He slipped them on easily over his black crew socks.

And we were finished. My heart skipped a beat in excitement and nervousness again at the thought of finally getting Kai home. We were finally taking our brother home after all this torturous waiting.


	16. Chapter 16: Silence

**Hey y'all! Just wanted to let you guys know that I'm going to try really hard to update my main stories way more often and hopefully get some good action going! Let me know if you ever any suggestions for my stories on how I could improve or where I could go with it!**

 **The stories I'm going to focus on are:**

 **Arms**

 **If Only**

 **Five Times Cole Comforted Kai**

 **A Brother's Love (possibly, but let me know if you guys actually want more of this one!)**

* * *

Lifting Kai from the bed to the awaiting wheelchair wasn't a struggle physically. But I could see by the tight look and the faintly colored cheeks that he was embarrassed more than anything that he couldn't even move from one place to another on his own. With a grunt, my brother settled down in the chair, shifting uncomfortably.

For a moment, the room was silent. Dr. Bradley had come in to do a final checkup and assist me in lowering Kai to the chair. I cleared my throat to crack the silence and made eye contact with the blond man nearby,

"Dr. Bradley, thank you," I said, extending a hand towards him. "For everything." He shook my hand firmly, smiling tiredly but genuinely.

"Of course. I'm happy to see Kai is going to be alright. But you must be made aware of the long process of recovery that is still ahead of you." Dr. Bradley directed his gaze towards my still silent brother. Kai's eyes flicked up to the doctor before landing back down the single hand in his lap. "I'll be giving you a list of contacts for physical therapists who can help with that, as well as prescriptions for all the medications that will be needed to ensure infection is out of the way and to keep the pain at bay. I'll give that to you, Mr. Brookstone." He handed me a thick folder which I stuck in the backpack I had brought full of Kai's clothes, before slinging the bag over my back.

"So we're all set?" I asked, peering curiously at Dr. Bradley

"For now. I'll have to see you again soon for frequent check ups, but we'll discuss that later over the phone. Now go and get him home."

Finally. I breathed a sigh of a relief, slowly pushing Kai's wheelchair towards the door.

"We're going home, bud. Zane's preparing a special meal for you, Jay and Lloyd picking out a movie and we're all just gonna relax and celebrate. Sound good?"

"What's there to celebrate?" Kai's bitter tone threw me a bit, especially considering that's the first he'd spoken all day.

I recovered quickly. "Uh, that you're coming home, finally? Weren't you tired of being here?" I pressed the button for the elevator that would take us down to the first floor.

"I guess."

"Well, I know I'd be a lot more comfortable in my own house with my own bed, where I could move and do whenever I wanted." I wanted to keep the conversation going, but once again, Kai didn't respond.

The elevator came to a stop with a soft jerk, and I gratefully exited, pushing Kai ahead of me. Outside, I got a good look at the overcast sky and the white particles drifting steadily down.

"Hey, it's snowing," I said, trying to sound cheerful. "I don't know the last time we've got a good snow around here. I love it." The crisp air flooded over my body as we stepped onto the sidewalk and headed for our parked car.

Normally, Kai would have argued, saying snow was the worst next thing, after rain. Or maybe it was worse than rain, I couldn't remember. Either, I should've heard about his strong dislike of the stuff by now, and been thoroughly annoyed by it.

Instead, for once, the passionate master of fire wasn't so passionate about anything. He was still silent.

The car ride home was the same way. Kai was ever silent, leaning against the window, his forehead resting on the cold glass as he gazed out. For a while, I just let him be, leaving the radio on to lessen the gaping silence. Finally, as we neared the Bounty's current location, I felt the need to get him to open up a bit.

What my fiery brother didn't know was that the rest of our family had made it their goal to make Kai's return home as joyous as possible. They'd reached out to the friends in Ninjago that we could still call without our line being intercepted by the Aryan Army (which was still out there, and hadn't weakened any with us being out of commission), and were currently setting up for a welcome home party. I told them not to overdo, because I didn't want Kai to feel embarrassed or overwhelmed.

But I wanted him to be in an at least a content mood when we arrived home. So he could at least try to enjoy seeing some of the friends we hadn't seen in a while.

"Hey, how you holding up, buddy?" I glanced over at him, again trying to keep that light tone in my voice. He shrugged his left shoulder,

"Okay." Hey, he spoke a word, I'll take it.

"Ready to be home?"

"Yeah."

"Good. We're almost there." I saw his turn slightly and eyes flick up so he could spot the Bounty just up ahead. He didn't look happy, per say, but I could tell he really was glad we were home. The look in his eyes was something like relief.

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 **Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed**

 **Also, I'm looking to start two new Ninjago fics and wanted opinions on if they sound interesting!**

 **1) I started my first Ninjago story with an OC, and she's gonna be a love interest for one of the ninja. I got inspiration from one of the best fanfiction writers ever, ArwynandCole. If my story could be half as good as hers, I would be happy. So lmk if you guys would be interested in a Ninjago OC story from me!**

 **2) Second idea, I started very briefly a while back but wasn't sure if I could pull off the story.** **Basically all of my fanfics are Kai and Cole centric, and I really need to branch out and try to focus on other characters.** **While Kai would still be one of the main focuses, I wanted to also focus this one on Jay! The basic plot would entail the masters of fire and lightning going on a secret mission to save Nya, who was sent on her own mission by Sensei (much to the boyfriend and brother's chagrin and protests). Kai and Jay's interactions would be super funny and of course they'd get into all kinds of trouble. Lmk if this sounds like something you'd want to read! I'd call it Firestorm XD**


	17. Chapter 17: Extended Silence

**Sorry I'm the worst ever at updating. Also, didn't proofread or edit this as I never do lol...**

 **But enjoy, folks!**

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It was still snowing when I parked the car in the shadow of the hovering Bounty. Quickly, I got out and moved to the trunk so I could get out the wheelchair Kai would be using for a few weeks. The doctors didn't want him aggravating his abdomen wound by trying to walk around.

Kai had already opened the door and was swiveling around when I wheeled over the chair. His pinched expression showed that task hadn't been particularly comfortable. Wordlessly, he let me slip an arm behind his back and deposit him in the chair. In a way, I glad he didn't protest, but it also hurt because it didn't mean Kai's pride wasn't wounded. And it meant, he'd surrendered to the fact that he needed help. Something Kai rarely did except for dire circumstances. Or when he'd lost hope…

The ramp up to the Bounty was already down, and I saw a dark head peek over the rail before pulling back again. I took a deep, steadying breath. Bracing myself for Kai's reaction to our little welcome home party. For some reason, it just wasn't sitting right with me. (Just like his silence and everything else wasn't.)

My chest felt tight like the feeling in the cold, silent air as I tried not to focus on the eerie _clanking_ sound of Kai's wheelchair rolling over the boards of the ramp. As we slipped onto the deck, there was a moment of stillness. Then,

"Surprise!"

A small group of people spun around on the deck to greet us, and I quickly took in the scene. Our team was all here, but also some of the elemental masters we were still in touch with. Mostly just Karloff, Griffin Turner, and Skylor. A "Welcome Home, Kai!" banner hung on the railing behind

I rolled the wheelchair towards the small arc of people, and Nya walked forward to meet us halfway. She bent over to wrap her arms around Kai's neck, whispering something to him that I couldn't make out. I sensed someone on my right and turned to see Skylor shyly approaching us. My stomach churned. I didn't know how Kai would react to seeing his girlfriend, but I sensed it wouldn't be good. If it were me, I'd have a hard time wondering if she would think of me differently and struggling with not wanting her to see me in such a weak state.

Nya wrapped up her hug to let Skylor in, and I kept my hands on the handles.

"Hey sweetie," Skylor spoke softly, reaching to hug Kai just as Nya had.

If I hadn't been watching closely, I would've missed it, but Kai stiffened at her touch. His one hand was gripping the armrest tightly, instead of wrapping around his girlfriend's back in reciprocation. Skylor seemed to notice, and pulled back. Her expression was pinched and a little pained, but she did well trying not to show it.

"I know you're probably exhausted, but we all just wanted to make sure you had a nice welcome home and knew that we're all here for you, okay? And we're not going anywhere."

I nodded, although Kai couldn't see me, but I could see the small group behind Skylor doing the same. Skylor knelt down in front of Kai and took his face in her hands so he was forced to meet her eyes. Then she whispered so that only Kai and I could hear,

"You hear me? I'm not going anywhere."

I smiled bittersweetly, feeling a bit of relief at the touching reassurance that Skylor wasn't going to up and abandon my brother. And Kai did respond to some degree at this, but still silently, as he reached out to brush his hand against Skylor's cheek as if that was his 'thank you.' I wished I could see his expression so I could gauge his feelings.

Skylor stood, allowing for the rest of the group to see Kai and greet him. I walked around to stand next to the chair then, so I could be more included.

A sort of line formed to greet Kai, then. First, Jay, Lloyd, and Zane came up, Jay saying goodnaturedly, with a forced grin,

"I'm glad I get my partner in crime back," with a hand on his good shoulder.

And Lloyd, "Anything you need, we're here for you."

Then Zane, "It's good to have you back, brother." Kai simply nodded with each one, not saying anything, and expression rarely flickering.

Then it was Karloff's turn to greet Kai, and that's when all went to hell.

The metal elemental approached the fire ninja cheerily, throwing his arms around Kai a little too recklessly that our team visibly flinched and all took a step forward about to intervene. However, Karloff pulled away after half a second and Kai seemed okay so we settled down. But then Karloff starting rambling.

"Karloff so happy to see fire ninja is okay. Fire ninja has been good friend to Karloff. But Karloff sorry to hear about fire ninja losing arm…"

My eyes widened and locked with Nya's, both of us rushing forward to stop Karloff from talking any further. I touched the man's shoulder, trying to hold back the concern and slight anger from my voice (because I knew Karloff meant well).

"Hey, Karloff, buddy-"

But Karloff just had to finished his speech. "Karloff is sad to think fire ninja will not be ninja anymore."

"Karloff, hey, why don't we talk about something happier? Like how Kai is finally-"

A violent crash sounded as the wheelchair was shoved to the deck, and several of our team let out cries of alarm as we caught Kai standing to his feet, having shoved out of the chair forcefully.

"Kai, hey-" I started to reason with him, stepping towards him ready to steady him. But I froze as I could see him becoming overwhelmed, and I knew exactly what I feared would happen would happen if we pushed Kai too hard.

"Brother, you must sit back down," Zane said, stepping past Kai to right the wheelchair.

"Yeah, Kai, you shouldn't be standing right now," Jay piped in, stepping forward to grab Kai's elbow.

The fire ninja jerked back at the touch, stepping back unsteadily. My stomach churned, and I fought the instinct to reach out and grab him. Zane had placed himself behind Kai, ready to help him into the wheelchair.

"Everyone stop!" Kai spoke, fiercely. Fist clenched. "Just stop, okay? Don't try to touch me. Don't try to pity me. I'm fine, okay? I'm fine." He spun on his heel, and I opened my mouth to command him to stop but I knew there was no stopping him. There was no stopping a stubborn Kai when he set his mind to something, especially when his pride was at stake.

Dead silence filled the deck as we watched Kai's shaky, but quite impressive walk to the door of the Bounty. My mind was once again blown, as my heart ached at being shown once again how strong Kai could be.

He had just made it to the doorway, when he double over, clutching his stomach and sliding down against the wall. That's when I finally moved, Nya and Skylor right on my tail as we sprinted to Kai's aid.

When I got there, he was silently sobbing, shoulders shaking with the movement. I heard Zane and the others politely asking the rest of our guests to leave, thanking them for coming. Thank goodness for Zane. I knew this had been a bad idea from the start.


End file.
